I never thought it would come to this.  I  NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD COME TO THIS.

I’m putting the final version of my 101 syllabus (and all the other seventeen documents) together, and am typing things like this:

“Since much of the work you will do in this course happens during class time, absences and tardiness can interfere negatively with your progress toward the above goals.  Because of this, I will allow up to six (6) absences without penalty.  Each class missed after that will reduce your final course grade by ⅓ of a letter grade (from B+ to a B, or a B- to a C+, for example).”


“I do not accept late work, mostly because it slows you down.  Late work means late feedback, which means you’re scrambling to get later assignments done on time.  So keep track of the syllabus so you can submit your assignments when they are due.  If you must miss class on a day that homework or an assignment is due, email it to me PRIOR to class time.”


“I also do not accept obviously careless work.  All homework and assignments must be properly formatted—refer to specific assignment sheets for those parameters—and assignments or homework without assignment sheets must be typed, proofread, and free of typos.”

Help.  I’m a fraud.  Fire me now.