1. I’ve gained ~25 lbs so far. The tilde means it’s more than that, but I can’t admit publicly how much more.
2. Am wearing new cheapo underwear from Target, size large, which makes me feel perfectly huge and hulking, like a cruise ship.
3. Have been wondering, Will I become huge, sluglike blob of a person before it’s all over? Am experiencing anxiety, and dread.
4. Almost threw up after eating too much (?) for dinner. Apparently stomach is getting smaller. According to an illustration Marshall showed me in this book he just bought, it will continue to migrate until, eventually, it resides in a crevice just below my chest. In the picture, it was partially obscured by the illustrated woman’s boobs.
5. Marshall is playing his guitar and singing; most recently, Ryan Adams’ “She Wants to Play Hearts” and Jason Molina’s “Hammer Down.”
6. Lit a candle at 8pm, remembering the family member we lost to depression/suicide. It burns so brightly.
7. Have decided not to watch President explain things tonight at 9pm. ISIS? War? There’s nothing I can do. I should go to bed instead.
8. My 17-year old self would have been so, so horrified to hear me say that. I should also go to bed instead of think about that.
9. I feel ill, like I have a cold, or virus. Googled it (“24 weeks pregnant feeling ill”) to no avail.
10. Google often availeth not.
11. Now Marshall is having a phone call with his boss and the senior developer he’s working with. Poor guy. He’s been working day and night on this project. We hope it’s over soon.
12. Feeling kicks, now, at halfway through my pregnancy. It’s a game-changer.
13. Always disliked it when people called their unborn children non-human things, like “bean,” “monkey,” or “peanut,” but have found myself likening this baby to a frog.
14. I’ve written some pretty great lists in my time, and this is not one of them. For some reason I felt like writing a few items down, though, without elaborating on them. Which equals a list.
15. Sorry for the lame list.
16. Sigh!
17. List “L” for “Lame.”