Katie got me into looking at the search engine terms that bring visitors to my blog.  WordPress is handy like that: the “stats” page will let you see a lot of the searches that hit your page.  While I’ve been pretty addicted to looking at those, now, whenever I check my blog, I never had time to organize the most interesting search terms into a blog entry until now.  Now, the day I took off from work to do Healing Things, the day I can’t seem to make myself grade annotated bibliographies, this day is the day.  So sit back, relax, and enjoy the fun-ness of humans + curiosity + Google.

Mint green bridesmaid dresses   This search term, and 25+ variations (I stopped counting—there are more), are by far my top hits.  Now you know the worst.  When I got married, I posted the dress my maid of honor was getting (JCrew Arabelle wintermint), and since then it seems that mint-green chiffon bridesmaid dresses are super hot.  All the time.  Like, wow/good grief.  It’s nettling, especially since I keep getting the same “whered you find this dress” comments on that particular post.

Rilke on solitude   Thankfully, for my sense of what-my-blog-is-about, search terms related to Rilke’s views on solitude are the next most popular.

The poverty clinic   A post I put together about Paul Tough’s New Yorker article, “The Poverty Clinic,” gets the next most hits.  This makes me feel smart.  Instead of that, it should make me feel glad that people are interested in this awesome article.  But no, it just makes me feel smart.

Need a house? call ms mouse  This term, and a few variations, is creeping upward very fast in my stats list.  Google started sending people my way after I re-posted several pages from Need a House? Call Ms. Mouse!, one of my favorites books from childhood.  The fact that other people are looking for this out-of-print compendium of genius is a shot in the arm.

.  .  .

So, those are the top four search terms that send people to my blog.  They’re no longer exciting.  I yawn.  Occasionally, though—as you know if you check your “stats”—Google will send visitors your way when it no longer knows what to do with them.  This, reader, is an absolute perk.  Google, faced with an abandoned child or grandparent at the end of the line, will shuffle them off into the warmth of your blog, if it can discern any resemblance (at all) between that wanderer’s query and any single sentence on your site.  Katie was the one who introduced me to the joys of scrolling down the “Summaries” page, looking for the “splayed footprints” of the irregulars.  On to the unusual, the strange, the sad, and the bizarre:

Of a pin, and, is an implement of wood, of damaging capability; grasped by the lower extremity   No, this is not an accident.  This is a very, very rad search term, as it is the definition of “bed-staff” as found in an 1862 encyclopedia that I used last year.  I got into this when I was researching the querelles des femmes for my 17th Century Lit seminar paper, and found a completely amazing picture of a 17th-century domestic dispute.  I totally geeked out, and am starting to geek out again.  To avoid that, I will very succintly say: Google this search term.  My blog is the very first result.  So proud.

Picasso pigeon  Two people looked for Picasso’s pigeon, and found his dove instead.  Hope they weren’t disappointed.

What is sexist about baby, sweetie, honey  Another twice-searched term.  Undoubtedly they found my posts on sexist and/or appropriate ways to address women, but did they find answers?  How aggravating not to know!

Tomber amoureux. to fall in love. does it occur suddenly or gradually? if gradually, when is the moment “already”? i would fall in love with a monkey made of rags. with a plywood squirrel. with a botanical atlas. with an oriole. with a fer…ret. with a ma   I was actually disappointed to find that this is a (mostly accurate) quote from a Czeslaw Milosz prose poem, because it was initially so weird to see in the “summaries” list, sticking out of the left margin like something Baudelairean.  I then realized that I had posted that poem in its entirety on my blog.  Again, I’m faced with the thin, shifty line between insane people and poets.  I think it’s encouraging.

Which street hooker in brussels Can’t help there, pal.  I blogged about a video someone made about street harrassment in Brussels, but, like, I didn’t mean hookers.  Or to appear to be in any way a hooker directory.

Knoxville hookers locations  Ok, to be fair, I did mention hookers in my hometown (Knoxville) in that post about sexual harrassment.  So, I can understand why Google would hook us up.  You, person looking for hookers, and me, person who does not support your unhealthy interest in any way.  Unless, of course, you are a cop looking for leads.  Which is improbable, and would also be very weird.  After seeing that I got this hit, I resisted the urge to google this term, myself.  And am still resisting.

Is harrassing women in the streets a form of sexism   Guess what!  Yes!  Wow!!!

I try hard but i am “bad at my job”   So, do quotation marks always indicate irony in cases like this?  Unsure.  Also, does this hit mean that I admitted to being “bad at my job” publicly, at some point?  Shoot.

Uva mfa statement of purpose applying last minute   NO WAY!!!!  First of all, one’s statement of purpose to a graduate program, especially one as sniffy as UVA, should perhaps not be plagiarized, and second—What if I hadn’t made my UVA statement of purpose password-protected???  I guess I shouldn’t flatter myself that it could have gotten anyone else in, if it didn’t get me in, though.  But—considering how hard I worked on that application—even the possibility is horrifying.  Good god.  Good god.

Its only a penis theme   Current favorite, mostly on account of its complete and total mysteriousness.  Bachelorette party supplies?  Although it’s phrased a little sadly, which is not very bachelorette.  Am also resisting the urge to google this one.  Though I will probably do it as soon as you leave the room.  (Blog theme?  Desktop background?  Theme song?  What???)