Last night I dreamed that I had inherited $10,000.  I was actually handed the check, written to me, in the amount of 10K.  I experienced the most profound sense of relief and happiness that I can remember feeling in a long time, and when I woke up this morning to the sound of roommates leading a zoo around the kitchen I was still tingling, or floating, with that feeling.  It’s 9:15am and I still am huddling under its umbrella.

The reason this is all slightly disturbing is that I’ve been living with low-grade anxiety (and a few spikes of panic now and then) for several months because I lost my main part-time job, and am looking for a new job while the savings ebb.  I’ll be scraping the bottom soon, and I’ve fought off the anxiety by pushing it to the back of my mind, not really eating much food, and buying single-ply toilet paper.  The fact that I dreamed about inheriting a small fortune and basked in the glow of those dollar signs for a few hours afterward is indicative of my state of mind.

The reason I’m not feeling too bad about this is that as I awoke and walked around, to the bathroom, to the cabinets and stove, the sermon on the mount kept seeping into my head.  Jesus talking to a crowd of people like me (somewhat), saying that God made the wildflowers more beautiful clothes than Solomon’s, even though they get mowed at the end of the day; that God feeds all these birds even though they don’t have jobs; and that God watches his people more closely and affectionately than either the flowers or the birds.  With small effort, I allow my dream of $10,000 to drop in the center of Christ’s affection for my small life.

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