I’m sitting in a summer dress on my tiny back porch, flowers in pots surrounding me and my garden spreading neat across the yard like it was always meant to be there, and here comes Amanda walking to the garbage cans at the alley, and walking back, smiling to herself and shaking her head slightly in disbelief, saying as she passes me, “Great!  It’s a great Wednesday!”  She dusted and cleaned and loved doing it, I said I weeded and watered and loved doing it.  Great.  It’s a great Wednesday.

Hours at my caretaking gig are decimated, so I’m considering calling That Lawyer who needed someone one day a week, I’m considering filling out an application at Magpie’s (local cake bakery), I’m considering (for once) not worrying but instead walking in song.  If God got me through 2009, He can sure as hell get me through 2010.  That’s saying something.  Which reminds me — I got an itemized bill from Baptist Hospital West yesterday, two pages of entries like SET CONT FLW MNIFLD W/CHK VALV ($29.84) and HCG QL ($81.00).  Some are a little more English-like: Sufenta Amp 2ML ($150.17), Morphine 10MG Syringe (who knew I had morphine?  wow), and Surgineedle ($159.51).  Others are comprehensible, sobering, like Anes General 2.25 hrs ($1550.00), OR Major IP 2.25 hrs ($8287.00), Recovery Room 1.25 hrs ($702.67), and all the sutures, sterile jelly, Percocet, drapes, towels, trays, tubing, sensors, binders, so on.  The final bill was $16,070.82.  Isn’t it amazing.  Again, if I can rise from 2009 with joy, the same can happen for this year.

Should I move?  Should I stay?  Who can know the answers to these questions, if not me?

But the week is half over, and I’m going to make rent if I have to sell my body, because I want to live in this house as much as I have ever wanted to live anywhere, right now.  If I move, it will have to be after the season, because I have a garden here, and my neighbors are kind.  Also the birds are kind, cardinals, sparrows, pigeons (new, rather unwelcome addition), doves, grackles, jays, robins.  Next year I may be somewhere else, but now I am here, on my back porch snug and lovely, in a dress.  A dress, no less.  I haven’t been wearing dresses because (fill in the blank — I don’t know), but today I put one on and its faded white flower pattern is growing inside my ribs with the patience of a morning glory vine.