This morning, as I have done and will continue to do for the rest of the week, I slept late.  Marshall and I got back to Knoxville on Sunday, exhausted from twelve hours of CTA red and blue line riding, shuffling bags through lines at O’Hare, striding stiffly through terminals, knees to our chins and ears popping in the oldest and least-pressurized (surely) jet in American Eagle’s possession.  I went to bed at 10pm and got up at 10am.  It was a great trip, and I’ll put some pictures up in another post, after this one.  In this post, I wanted to think out loud about relationships, the mechanism that’s operating in me, pushing me to become closer to Marshall than I’ve ever been to another person, and also to get off facebook.

I’ve spent most of my adult life thinking about “community,” which word has been beaten of most of its meaning, for me, in the past three or four years.  High hopes about the possibilities of shared pursuits, shared experiences, shared faith, has turned into disappointment as the violence of demands and refusals tears me apart from people I have loved.  In the past year many of these brokennesses have grown a whole new life, one I never anticipated, that have either come back to me with healing or coaxed the relationship itself into a new season of growth, one informed by the deeper truths of human experience.  Anyway, I’m growing up, is what I’m trying to say.  I even see the truth of growing past disillusionment, toward a new idea of “community,” which is not even half-formed in my heart as yet.

Last night at Senor Taco a few of us talked briefly about this.  Last week in the Chapel of the Holy Grail on the campus of the University of Chicago, a few of us talked about this, the exit sign illuminating organ pipes and gray stone flags, Marshall experimenting with shutter speed, Jason holding a banjo and lying on his back on a long wooden pew.  Facebook is only a conversation-starter, here, in this universe of confusion and learning on relationship, on how human beings ought to live together.  Because it’s clear that we should live together, it’s clear that we starve and twist into weird habits and small perversions if we live alone for a long time.  God put gregarion (made that word up, apparently) in us from conception, it’s that big a deal.  So, as I’m walking more deeply into love (w/M) than ever, I’m forced to wonder again about togetherness.  I wonder what the virtual social “community”-universale of Facebook is doing to my education on human togetherness, although that’s really only a corollary.  Katie J talked some sense to me on this front, and now I’m not sure I should actually get off …

Well, more on this later.  I’d love thoughts on a post-post-modern “community,” if you have them, thoughts informed by our post-feminist, post-church context.  Because God is here, too.

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