I just watched “The Bucket List” with JP, and loved it.  We laughed so hard when Carter flipped his assistant off, the morning he checked out of the hospital, and  when he said the three things you learn when you get old.  I don’t know about JP but I cried a lot at the end, and then there was John Mayer singing “say what you need to say.”  And I pick up JP’s legs one at a time to get her in bed, her eyes are closed in concentration as she lies slowly back, I pull her over a few inches and pile the pillows up against her back.  The one that keeps breaking.  And all the time, now, I think about the body falling apart.  It’s part of what makes me hold Marshall sometimes like I can’t let go, I think, knowing that our bones will only take this for a few more short decades.  And I had cancer.  They put me on a gurney and wheeled me under the big lights.  Even my young skin has this scar that says to me every day, “everything can break,” and “there’s dying as well as birth.”

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