What a gorgeous day.  Dawning so bright, so bright.  Today I pulled the curtains, took a shower, cut my hair, made biscuits, peered at Brittany’s lustrous ring, finally vanquished the confused tomatoes, tore up the nasty old vines next to my back porch, and planted my birthday-present bulbs (Alpine Bells, Dainty Dutch irises and Angelique tulips) (thanks, Mom and Dad) in the tomato beds and in the bed next to the Dear Spot.  THEN!  I studied for the GRE, making lists of important points and vocabulary words, and feeling the chills of excitement.  I like taking standardized tests, not because I’m a minion of the machine, but just because I’ve learned how to do it.  And I feel like I just want to take the practice test NOW.

By the way, does anyone know which phrase refers to the act of pulling a curtain aside to let in light: “pull the curtain” or “draw the curtain”?  I’ve always been confused about this, and now that I’m taking the GRE — well!

I’ve been thinking a lot about the future, of course.  As I always do.  Sometimes I think it is terrible, contains monsters, or death and decay, sometimes I think it is full of warmth and light.  The latter lived mostly in high school … the former is living mostly these days.  I drove to Marshall’s parents’ house with him last night, as his grandmother was in from Phoenix and all the Knoxville family was coming over for dinner, and felt like I was hurtling into space.  I wasn’t sure anything was going to be ok.  I know this is normal for people in my position, but even normal things are sometimes horrible.  I’m coming back to a kind of equilibrium today, today all full of a kind of peace I didn’t even think to ask for.  The kind I ought to have gotten up in the middle of the night to pray for, before I got.

I’m getting further and further from the fear of love, too.  I was thinking about this this morning, how it’s not dangerous to love, it’s just dangerous to live more with yourself than with God.  Everything that happens when you love someone has the potential to become beautiful, if you’re patient.  I want to put a Rilke quote up here about patience and love and living.  I would someday like to have become a patient person.

I’m getting ready to put together a portfolio of poems.  If anybody wants to help me sift & proofread, let me know.

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