Some cold weather is coming through Knoxville and snapping the heads off all the treetips and flowers.  Lots of wind, small breezes are coming through my windows because I thought spring was here and I took off all the plastic.  Gahh.  Also I think commas are frightening little beasts.

I went to Asheville the other day and something changed the day after, which made me able to stop being at home reading and lonely and I have since done things I used to do all the time, like calling strangers, biking new routes, feeling motivated, working on projects, talking to friends, and writing a long email to Katie, telling her things, like that I didn’t realize until recently that I’ve been closing up, quietly renouncing the Heights and the Depths, saying “never-mind” to God.   I’d call this an important day.  Not that this is the first day I’ve been aware of it at all, just the first day I told someone else I was aware of it, in so many words.  This is a bit of a shock, to see myself typing those so many words.  I guess I’m responsible for it, now, to a frightening extent.

But eh — yesterday was important, too, because I rediscovered the Beatitudes, and almost wept.  I need so much to be made new, started over on.  Somehow, this time, it’s easy to admit this, and easy to believe it’s beginning to happen.  I can’t believe what a mess I am, though, can’t believe God’s willingness to start over again.  Can hardly believe what will be made from this dump of raw materials will be glorious. 

And now I have to bike back home in the freezing gale, and will think about commas for a good bit of the way.  I realize they can be taken in hand.  I realize this does not mean complete eradication.  (What does it mean?)  Jesus Christ, yesterday, today, forever.  Somehow.

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