Things to do today:

  • Look for a job.  Moving right along:
  • Work on journals.  I’ve got a great 6″ square text block and two others that need to be glued.  While they’re drying I should of course go ahead and plan their design…the great and glorious question of the day is: should I resurrect the Grey Goose, or is it a thing of the past?  The sparrow seems so appropriate for this time in my life, but I have sometimes an attack of nostalgia, and the realization that Van and Davy and everything there about mercy and severity will always be appropriate for my life.  Such questions.  And maybe I’ll do some more of the moons / suns / hands?  Who knows!!  So exciting.
  • Call auto places about a strut.  Since I’m going to Nashville on Saturday for Lauren and Matty’s wedding, I need to have a new strut, and perhaps an alignment.  This is annoying, and even maybe impossible, due to finances, but.  Just have to wait and see what kinds of prices we’re talking about, here.
  • Call Samantha and either have her over or go out or go to her place.  I had coffee with her and Nick at Java yesterday and I remembered how much I miss her.  She’s one of the most beautiful women I know and also one of the most interesting.  Something about the jagged edges of green and blue in her eyes, the dark wavy hair and how she can be the poutiest and still so reasonable, sulky and sensible…there’s an element of sanity to her, a sense of justice and a profound art.  She’s one of the best artists I know, too.  And I do like Nick, indeed I do.
  • Drink coffee all day long.  After a season of tea and abstention from coffee (had to ease back into it after the surgery), I rediscover the flavors and textures of this marvelous drink.  I’m having some now, Co-op brand, out of my Trinity College Dublin mug, bought in a crowd in the university bookstore…and those short weeks were filled with the burn and tang of coffee, too, good coffee, some of the best I’ve had.  Not that I’ve had a lot, or have a discerning palate.  But it was good, rich, served in thick white teacups on saucers with pitchers of whole milk.  And the greyness of the weather and the sense that one of my dreams had come true.  And my beloved sister, who generally had to have tea instead, because of her stomach.  We had tea four times a day … quite a novelty for me.  Oh anyways—
  • Buy some 1/2 & 1/2.  Also some sweet potatoes (running low).
  • Start some flatbread.  If I’m going to eat this tahini dip I made the other day (oh it’s divine), I need better bread for dipping than either biscotti (fig and toasted almond—I recommend it—from Smitten Kitchen—so, so good) or Mom’s whole wheat loaf.  Also should I get some vegetable from Kroger while I’m there?  I’m eating entirely too much bread, these days.  Sigh.
  • Pray.  J’ai besoin.  I’ve started praying a couple of the Hours every day (lauds, compline, for a start) but need to be closer.  Sometimes living is the most precarious thing; I need more stability…  And I need healing.  I watched American Beauty last night with Knox and Emily and I couldn’t accept it…that zennish denial of pain, or any negative emotion, really, would kill me.  Pain is awful, but the denial of it is even worse.  I can only believe that it has to be fully felt, fully lived-in, before it can be healed.  Hm.  I want to think more about this.

Things I hope I can do today:

  • Use Emily’s camera to take pictures of the envelopes I made and then put them on Etsy.  Um, they’re gorgeous.  Please take a look.  My own design.
  • Make another sizeable dent in Cold Mountain.  It’s very good so far.
  • Write more letters.  I have so many more to write.  And it no longer helps to think about all I’ve already written, because I’ve been doing that for three or four days, now, and really OUGHT to start several today.  Well, I mean finish more today.
  • Make something beautiful.  Wear Indian Jasmine and pomegranate oil.  Stare out of windows, clear out clutter, sweep our redwood floors shining and crumbfree, read a poem, write a poem.  Take a walk.  Don’t despair, instead notice the thin air, notice my growing health, notice my ignorance, notice my beauty, notice where I end and the Lord begins, notice that, again and once every quarter hour.  Ok.  Here the day begins.