After having transferred the KUB bill to my name, um, I’m very conscious about phrasing.  how distracting.  this has nothing to do with KUB bills, though, and everything to do with the fact that I’m at a grant-writing workshop that’s been intense.  and incredible.  completely intimidating and inspiring.  and I can hardly write a sentence without being really aware of how it already needs drastic editing. so, today,  after hours and hours of lecture / Q&A on the pre-writing work for grants, the forms for state and federal grants, ways to find relevant & generous foundations (and their 9900 tax forms online, woa), agencies with data and statistics, formats, tips, rubrics, lists, stuff … after all of that we were supposed to go ahead and use the information she (Susan) gave us to construct a grant application / letter of intent / inquiry.

grant-writing?  I wouldn’t have thought of that — would YOU?  I mean, I’ve had lots of bad thoughts about mammoth corporations and various bad operating procedures of the state and federal governments, but I never really thought about how much money is just given out, these days.  comparitively, probably still mortifying; not comparatively, I’m flabbergasted.  these corporations get some sort of tax breaks by putting their billions of dollars into foundations instead of the operating account, and hire foundation directors, whose job (partly) it is to give some of that money away.  obviously they want to hang onto as much as they can — I think they just give the interest on the principle? never the principal? probably?  but it’s still millions — like, who was it?  I think Garth Brooks’ foundation has given more than 6.2 million since 1999 to nonprofits who’re focusing on kids and “at-risk” families.  Wal-Mart, apparently, has given over 160 million (as of what date I don’t know), although that doesn’t come from them — it comes from their Children’s Miracle Network telethon junk junk. but every movie star has a foundation, everybody on the NFL and NBA?  Tiger Woods.  Madonna!

but having said all that, I’m still nervous.  I wish I knew more about my future.  Mary (my boss, Global SEEDS, for which I’m going to be the new grant-writer) bought me some Burt’s Bees last night.  pomegranate oil … lovely reddish … and now I have Indian Jasmine perfume … which I’ve been waiting for all my life (though I knew it not).  I’m very ok with living in this moment.  smelling ravishing is one of the most beautiful things to happen to me.  I love.